Warning dont read if your not into ramblings of a upset person with a million things to say.Hate?

Here is the info, my husband had a hard life like i mean hard drunk sluty mother for real! he was treated like **** i mean like he was no one and could do no right, but his brother could do no wrong catch my drift , ok so we met and of course his mother in i do not get a long because i stand up to her about how he is treated, well he moves in to my apartment which i pay for 100 percent while he is going to school and i get pregnant ya ya well we decide the baby is a good thing but his mother decides he should move home and finish college not worry about the baby(surprised lol) but he decides baby is important and stay months later when baby is 6 months old he decides he isnt going to college for what he really likes and drops out a gets a great job.(which is my fault according to her) His mother realizes that we are serious and i am here to stay eventually i forgive her for being a ***** and mend the relationship not only between her and i but try with her and my husband. He pretends but they never really are close.i am a very family person so i bond with his mother and we get along for years like 5 . A wife 2 kids and pregnant with third, stay at home mom who feels as though she holds everyone together has a misscarriage in second triamester , cant express how hard it hits seeing who life is devoted to family, i mean i was so careful with eveything i did and ate and so world comes crasing down. now husbands sister during time of emotional meltdown says i am bipolar because i dont want to talk about what happen i just want to forget and mother turns on me too no one understands ok so me and his mother get in a fight and no longer talk for over a year now, to get to my question i hate them and my husband hates her but the stress of living in same town and guilt of wanting closure is so confusing i want to hate her for a million reason but i feel its wrong because it my husbands mother. i mean its not like she is a good person she sits a home all day on phone gossipping about people for real all day , what to do ??